Faith, Life

Verses from Psalm 119 that I Pray while Preparing to Read Scripture

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These were discovered while I was working on memorizing Psalm 119. While I never completed the entire psalm to memory, I did memorize most of it; this process gave me a great appreciation for both the hidden gems and the overall story. 119 is a beautiful psalm and I would recommend reading it in its entirety. I got into the habit of praying one or two verses from it before I read my Bible; this post is meant as a starting point for anyone who wants to do something similar.

“Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. I am stranger on earth; do not hide your commands from me.” (v. 18-9)

“Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders.” (27)

“The earth is filled with your love, O LORD; teach me your decrees.” (64)

“You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees.” (68)

“To all perfection I see a limit; but your commands are boundless.” (96)

“I am your servant; give me discernment that I may understand your statutes.” (125)

“Your statutes are wonderful; therefore I obey them. The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.” (129-30)

“Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me.” (133)

“Make your face shine upon your servant and teach me your decrees.” (135)

“Righteous are you, O LORD, and your laws are right. The statutes you have laid down are righteous; they are fully trustworthy.” (137-8)

“Your righteousness is everlasting and your law is true. Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight. Your statutes are forever right; give me understanding that I may live.” (142-4)

“You are near, O LORD, and all your commands are true. Long ago I learned from your statutes that you established them to last forever.” (151-2)

Life

The Island

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I went to counseling and she told me I should journal more. I’m posting the result in case someone finds it helpful. “Let him not vow to walk in the dark who has not seen the nightfall” is a Tolkien quote (The Fellowship of the Ring p. 315). All of the references to “the island” and coming back from it are meant to use imagery from the 2000 movie Cast Away (these kind of connections are just how my brain works).

This is for everyone else who is confused about the scars on their own soul. I don’t usually write about trauma without having a point, but sometimes we humans can’t see past the “Jesus wept” part (John 11).

Hanna’s Journal, summer 2021

I jumped of my own accord, although it was never my idea. It wasn’t a leap of faith for me; I didn’t hear the voice of God, I only heard the question.

I didn’t know what I was doing. I was vowing to walk in the dark when I’d never seen the nightfall. I don’t think my family knew either. We were all standing & admiring that first sunset and swearing we’d walk in the dark. Of course it didn’t go well. We were blindsided, unorganized, thrown off our feet. It was a crapshoot, of course.

Now I’m back. Back from the deserted island, having survived the leap, and those years don’t weigh heavy on my face, cause my hair is cut and I’m wearing a decent sweater and I still speak politely. Sometimes I wonder if anyone has looked close enough to see the fear behind my eyes. The corpse, that the new me dragged back home. The new me is a survivor. A prey animal with small, sharp teeth and a hard, hard shell. The new me is driftwood, that doesn’t even know what’s lifting her.

I brought the island home with me.

Stories

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: Lazy Kind of Movie Review

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Guardians of the Galaxy is my favorite Marvel movie. I didn’t even watch the sequel for years, because I knew it couldn’t live up, but I finally broke down and watched it a few months ago.

Generally speaking, I was disappointed. Way too crude for my taste, and the dialogue was lazy and made no attempt at subtlety. However, it had a very decent plot for a sequel, and some truly golden moments with this found family, so I made a list of all the things I liked, because I need some positivity after Infinity War and Endgame treated most of these characters like dirt.

Spoilers included. Fair warning.

Please note: I don’t say much about Starlord (although I love him), because his arc in this movie felt very clumsy to me, and I’m focusing on what I liked.

  • Rocket secretly loving Peter’s music.
  • Peter and Gamora bonding over how stupid their children are.
  • Rocket stopping mid-fight to keep Baby Groot from eating something.
  • Just, everyone parenting Baby Groot was so wholesome?
  • Especially Rocket being a Dad.
  • Baby Groot pounding on Drax for accidentally stopping the music–I love it when children in movies are nuanced, instead of being perfect angels, okay?
  • Rocket and Drax being chaotic best friends instead of fighting.
  • Gamora and Nebula’s enemies-to-allies storyline. We never see this with female characters, guys! I found the action scenes a little over the top, but the dialogue was beautiful: “You were the one who wanted to win; I only wanted a sister!” and Gamora being able to express I’m sorry you got hurt even though I’m not the one that hurt you, I was also just trying to survive. (On this note, let’s bring Thanos back to life and kill him again. I hate him.)
  • Peter, Drax, and Rocket all basically think of themselves as the Dad Friend of the group, and it’s hilarious.
  • Gamora dancing with Peter? Adorable. I’m going to cry.
  • Baby Groot reeeeally wanting to push the wrong button. . .
  • Mantis’ empathy magic was awesome–she feels someone else’s emotions if she touches them. As an empathetic person, I appreciated this (and I’m kinda’ jealous she can just stop touching them and quit feeling all the things. . .)
  • Drax and Mantis both repeatedly calling each other ugly and disgusting while also bonding and making eyes at each other? I ship these idiots so hard. They’re both equally freaky and incomprehensible.
  • That scene where Drax tells Mantis about his family and his face and tone are without any emotion whatsoever, but Mantis touches his shoulder and immediately breaks down in tears. Such a good depiction of silent/invisible grief.
  • Just everything about Mantis honestly. I love weird girl characters. 🙂
  • When Yondu just gave up and said he deserved to be betrayed, and Rocket, completely unfazed and optimistic, just saying “well, I don’t” and making an escape plan.
  • Baby Groot hating hats because he always mistakes them for part of someone’s head. Understandable in a universe with so many aliens, but also hilarious.
  • The fact that Rocket the Dad already knew Groot hated hats but didn’t know why, and got distracted from the escape plan because oh, that’s why you hate hats??
  • Gamora admitting there’s an unspoken thing between her and Peter. Which isn’t unspoken anymore. . . I guess. . .
  • “And he stole batteries he didn’t need.” (Peter needed a better line after this, but it was a moment of the subtlety and self-awareness I was missing in this movie.)
  • Yondu’s magic arrow getting snapped in half and Rocket just casually fixing it? Homeboy is a genius and I love him. (He should have kept the arrow too, but Marvel was afraid to make him that powerful. I said what I said.)

And I suppose that’s that. I’ll probably think of more things tomorrow that I should have added, but I’ll never post this if I keep up like that. I’m going back to pretending that the Guardians of the Galaxy are still running chaotically around the galaxy following Starlord’s lead into shenanigans. . . I hope this post made someone smile.

Uncategorized

To eat as well

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When my Dad and brother and I used to deer hunt, we would bring venison home. It’s the best meat I’ve ever tasted that wasn’t cured. A specific, natural taste you don’t find anywhere else. And people call it “gamy”; write articles on how to cover it up or disguise it.

I’ve always thought it tasted something like blood. A reminder of where we got it.

A reminder that God created animals as miracles of engineering, muscle and bone and tendons connecting. That God created animals and declared them “good” (Genesis 1:25).

A reminder that God slaughtered an animal to clothe His children, when we disobeyed Him and discovered shame (3:21).

A reminder that when the world was cursed because of us, and became thorny and hostile, and we could only grow food by labor and sweat (3:17-19). . . that then God gave us flesh to eat as well (9:2-3).

That when the Law was too hard for us, when we failed at perfection, Jesus said instead, “this is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me” (Luke 22:19).

Faith, Life

The Word Became Flesh. . .

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I want to take a brief moment this Christmas Eve to remind you all of something that I needed to be reminded of this year: Emmanuel. I’ve heard about the incarnation so many times that it’s easy to forget what a miracle it was.

The God who is spirit (John 4:24) became flesh (John 1:14) in order to be accessible to us.

Flesh and blood, capable of dying, and willing to die. (Philippians 2:5-11)

In a year full of tragedy, fear, and isolation, let’s take a moment to reflect on the God who came to be with us. The God who is always with us. The God who left heaven for us and died to get close to us.

Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. . . The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:12, 14)

Submit yourselves then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you.” (James 4:7-8)

Stories

Movie Review: Just Mercy

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Did I watch Just Mercy mostly because it was all over Instagram? Yes. Was it Michael B. Jordan that pushed me over the edge? Yes.

But the peer pressure was well deserved: this movie is high quality, well-made, and very moving. It took very little screen time to get me rooting for the main characters. Not to mention, my family and I have done a little research since we watched it, and as far as we have seen, it is scary accurate to what really happened.

Just Mercy is based on a true story. It follows lawyer Bryan Stevenson and focuses on his work with one client, Walter “Johnny D.” McMillian, who is on death row. The storytelling is beautiful, as is the cinematography. Although this story is dipping its toes in the “murder mystery” genre, the filmmakers included zero graphic imagery, which I appreciate so much; that would not have added to this movie. I am very happy that they fell back on the story’s depth and suspense, and didn’t even think about unnecessary jump scares.

There is a good bit of strong language, in case that bothers anyone. Not terrible for a PG-13 movie though. (If you watch Marvel, it won’t be any worse than what you’re used to–unfortunately, in my opinion, but here we are.) It is pretty intense too, simply due to the story and content.

Another thing that helped sell me on this movie? The acting! These were raw and emotional performances–the kind that make you feel almost embarrassed to be watching, because they feel so incredibly personal. Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Foxx truly outdid themselves. (And however Brie Larson stayed on top of that beautiful southern drawl, I could listen to it all day.)

One last thing before I talk about Just Mercy‘s accuracy: After Tolkien came out, I heard several people complaining that the movie sidelined Tolkien’s catholic faith, or even ignored it. I think Just Mercy should get some credit for doing the opposite and not shying away from the characters’ Christianity. They talk about faith, they are shown in church, we see them pray together. Just Mercy isn’t a “Christian movie,” but they portrayed the faith of the characters accurately.

And speaking of accuracy, one of my favorite things about Just Mercy is how close they stuck to the true story. I was shocked when I started researching. (And the actors look surprisingly like the real people they portray, for once!) Below are the resources I’ve found in my albeit limited research, however,

Please note: I do not recommend looking at these until after you watch Just Mercy–it’s so accurate that research will, in fact, spoil the movie!

The movie shows a re-make of the “60 Minutes” story that was done on the McMillian case. This Youtube video posted by the 60 Minutes channel is the original.

This PDF is a transcript of a judiciary hearing where Bryan Stevenson gave statements describing some of the details surrounding his work with Walter McMillian. (Stevenson’s comments on McMillian’s story are on pages 21-27.)

And if Michael B. Jordan’s opening scene in Just Mercy got your attention, you’ll probably be interested in this video, in which Bryan Stevenson himself tells how that scene is almost entirely true–although this video is from years before the movie’s release.

If you’ve seen Just Mercy or know of other real-life resources, let me know in the comments! (And yes, I do plan to read Bryan Stevenson’s book Just Mercy–don’t worry. It’s just that the library hasn’t yielded it up yet. I’ll have to fight several family members for a turn with it anyway, so I’m posting this review now.)

In conclusion, this movie has 10/10 from me. Would recommend.

Faith, Life

Lights in Dark Times (re-sharing some words from my church)

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Hello, friends. Life has been a little wild, hasn’t it? I’ve been pretty quiet, since I don’t think my voice is the one that needs to talk over the chaos. However, I wanted to stop in here to re-share some things from my church. Probably would have done this on Instagram, but I can’t share links on there, so here we are.

This video, A Conversation About Race, is a conversation between two of our pastors about racial tension. I found it very helpful, and it gave me some points to start thinking through.

This second video, Lights in Dark Times, is our sermon from last week (part two of a series on 1 Peter, but fine as a stand-alone 🙂 ). Not necessarily directly related to the first video about race, but I wanted to share this one too, since it was also helpful for me.

Hang in there. With love,

Hanna

Stories

Tifi: a short story

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I miss sharing my fiction words on here, so I decided to share a link to a short story I’ve had sitting around for a while:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1p43TXV444j4Qi4TFibCkNpL7X7HPgosJW7nTwNxiqD4/edit?usp=sharing

When I asked my Dad to read it, he said, “It’s kind of brutal.” So I feel compelled to add:

Audience discretion: it’s kind of brutal (compared to my other writing).

This is unsurprising, since I made it up while laying in bed at 3 a.m. completely miserable and running a fever. My muse is a strange animal.

Happy Sunday. Hang in there.

Life

Today,

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Today, we washed out the bed of Dad’s pickup truck with the hose. The water ran down the street in a tiny river, hugging the curb. The boys and I followed it, splashing with bare feet.

Michael brought an old broom from the garage and used it to splash the running water over buckles in the concrete. We decided to see if it got all the way down to the storm drain.

We stopped to make dams out of sticks, and watched as they forced the water farther out into the street. We snatched the sticks away and watched the water surge ahead, a valiant and insignificant trickle. Nothing mattered but the blue sky, and the warm sun, and that trickle making it to the storm drain.

Today, we were ragamuffins, jeans rolled up, ankles dirty, shoes anywhere but on our feet.

Today, we got amused looks from the neighbors.

Today, we were straight up Huck Finn.

We swept the water along, taking turns with the broom. We reached the storm drain and watched the water fall headlong through the grate.

I didn’t get the boys home in time for dinner, but I got them out of the street every time a car went by. We came home with our feet and hands dirty.

Today, the world felt a little bigger, and I felt a little smaller.

Today, we chased our goal and reached the journey’s end, and tomorrow I’ll fall headlong into a new adventure, refreshed from today’s stream–just enough water to trickle to the storm drain.

Life

Like a Crocus

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When we moved into our current house, we didn’t know what was planted around it. The next spring, we were pleasantly surprised to find crocuses bursting through the soil right outside the front door. White, yellow, purple; faces trustingly open to the sky.

Shortly after this revelation in our front yard, I read Isaiah 35 and found this (v. 1-2a):

“The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.”

At the time, I was mostly struck by the fact that God cared enough to talk about something as small as a crocus.

This spring, the crocuses came up again. After the Landscaping Apocalypse my parents had inflicted along the front of the house, I was now struck by their resiliency.

The desert and the parched land. . . the wilderness. . .

. . . will rejoice and blossom.

My world has been turned over again and again in the last few weeks. But in the parched wilderness, joy can still unexpectedly spring up–bright, lush, and shocking.

I’m standing with my face trustingly open to the sky, waiting for it to rain again.

My world through my eyes