All posts by hanna

By The Way: A short Story (kind of)

Dear Martin—

I’m writing you this letter because there’s something I need to tell you.  I should have told you years ago, but I was too scared. I was terrified, but I’ve decided I don’t care anymore what people say, or what people think.

So I’m writing you this letter to tell you how I feel about you.  I can’t help but notice the way you treat people—you are so, so kind.  And funny. Really, truly funny. You always make me laugh. And you haven’t noticed (that I’m in love with you).  ‘Cause you are blind as heck, by the way. And wise—wiser than me, wiser than our twenty-five years. I could listen to you for hours.  You probably never noticed the way I look at you. You are so oblivious, but somehow you are also conscientious?

Which, by the way, is why I’m burning this as soon as I finish it.  Why you can’t actually read it.

Because I don’t care what people think, but you still do.  If you read this, it would make you miserable. I know you well enough to know that, and I still love you enough to burn this stupid letter.

She’s lovely, by the way.  I hope you make her happy.

And I think I’m wiser, and kinder, and funnier, because of you.  So thanks for everything.

Sincerely yours (always yours),

-Juliet

Without Excuse: Thoughts on C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity”

One of my Great Books this year was Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. And, dear hobbits, what a book!! I wanted my entire paper to be:

“Do yourself a favor and go read this book right now.”

But for some reason my English teacher (love you, Mom!) decided we needed two pages (font size 12) about this book? I don’t get it–what was I supposed to say?? But anyway, I did my best, and I’m posting it just in case my one-sentence summary didn’t convince all of you to read Mere Christianity.

~*~

I expected Mere Christianity to be some kind of guidebook, but it is not really that at all.  C.S. Lewis just lays out facts. It is a defense of Christianity, but he was not really arguing with anyone so much as explaining his beliefs.  Mere Christianity is a very honest book; Mr. Lewis trusted the facts to speak for themselves.  He clearly believed mankind to be, as Paul says in Romans 1:20, “without excuse” when it comes to belief in God.

“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.” (Romans 1:20, NIV)

I always thought that when Paul said “what has been made,” he was referring to nature—meaning that if people truly pay attention to the natural world, they will have to admit it was created by an intelligent designer.  It made sense to me—someone had to create the universe, didn’t they?

But Mr. Lewis argued a different point: when human beings look at what they know about themselves, about humanity, they have to admit there is an objective Right and Wrong.  A Right and Wrong that all of mankind recognizes, but that mankind did not invent.  A moral law that is completely above and beyond humanity. When we argue with someone, he pointed out, we are not simply “fighting like animals,” but we are trying to convince the other person that they have not been right or fair.  Even those who deny the existence of Right and Wrong know when someone wrongs them.

Continue reading Without Excuse: Thoughts on C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity”

The Last Archer

I finished rereading The Last Archer by S.D. Smith today. I’d forgotten how deep Jo Shanks was. . . I spent most of the novella feeling bad for him, but also wishing someone would knock some sense into his head. Don’t let the “Middle Grade” label on these books deceive you–the characters are fascinating.

If you haven’t read an S.D. Smith book, get off my blog and go check the library.

Superheroes, Jesus, and the Resurrection

If you keep up with the Marvel franchise at all, you probably know that Avengers: Endgame came out today. (And no, I’m not going to see it yet, so no spoilers. 😉 ) The previous Avengers movie, Infinity War (SPOILER ALERT! I guess, but seriously, ya’ll, it’s been a year), ended with the villain turning half of the main cast into dust. Literally.

This was rather shocking, since Marvel usually opts for a more typical “happy ending.” In fact, this happy-ending, good-guy-wins aspect is, I think, what most people like about superhero movies.

Of course, most of the Avengers fans doubt that any of these characters are really gone for good; Marvel characters don’t have the best track record for, well, really being dead.  No sooner had Infinity War come out than a barrage of fan theories followed. One popular one is that in Endgame someone will use the Time Stone to go back in time and save the characters who died in Infinity War.

I’m not really one for time-travel in stories. But while watching the latest trailer (and crying–don’t make fun of me), I realized that a part of me really, really wants Endgame to have such a simple solution. It’s hard to be picky about storytelling devices when I just don’t want to watch the characters suffer anymore.

~*~

In The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones, the chapter about the Resurrection is called “God’s wonderful surprise.” After Jesus appears to Mary Magdalene, it describes her running back to the city:

And it seemed to her that morning, as she ran, almost as if the whole world had been made anew, almost as if the whole world was singing for joy — the trees, the tiny sounds in the grass, the birds. . . her heart. Was God really making everything sad come untrue? Was he making even death come untrue? (317)

I realized this was the key to my sudden desire for time travel. I wanted everything sad to come untrue. I watch superhero movies because I love watching a hero save the day; I don’t like it when the hero (or heroes, in the Avengers case) can’t make things right.

Like I said in my post about Richard III, I think this desire for a savior is part of being a human. We were created to want justice. We were created to live in the garden that God called “good.”

In real life, the Hero already saved the day. The Resurrection was the climax of the greatest hero story ever. Jesus was the Hero on Easter, and He’s also the Hero we’re still waiting for.

My life is an awkward place between two victories.

~*~

I attended a concert last summer with my older brother and some friends. After a few original songs, the singer started an old hymn. I didn’t know it very well, but I sang along as best I could. I remember noticing one line that had never stood out to me before:

“Earth has no sorrow that heaven can’t heal.”

It was hard to sing. This concert was right in the wake of my little brother’s diagnosis and the idea of death being smacked hard into my face. Remembering that concert still makes my throat tighten.

Yet I learned something that night. I realized that I believed God would heal my brother, in this life or in the next, but I didn’t believe He could heal my broken heart.

Revelation 21 says that in the new Jerusalem there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain. I guess that doesn’t leave room for my heartbreak.

“Tears rolled down Jesus’ face. The face of the One who would wipe away every tear from every eye.” (304)

The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones

The Hero already let us break His heart, so our pain wouldn’t last forever. And it won’t last forever.

So let’s live in victory, hobbits.

5 Star Books from 2018

Last January I started writing down every book I read, including a rating of 1-5 stars. I’ve been meaning to share all of last year’s 5 star books for a while now. . .

Rise to Rebellion by Jeff Shaara – recommendation from Dad // American revolution // historical fiction as it should be // characters felt like real people not impersonal figures // made a world-changing war feel close and personal // engaging & informative

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens – one of my old favorites // deserves to be a classic // French revolution // sacrifice // dark but beautiful // predictable but satisfying

Why Pro-Life? by Randy Alcorn – advocating for pro-life // relevant book // promoting love not hatred // hard (graphic) read but helpful for me

The Chestry Oak by Kate Seredy – WWII Hungary // deep book from a child’s perspective // people who love trees and storytelling // good adoption representation // GOOD story & gorgeous writing

The Genie Bone by Savannah Grace – unforgettable setting // tight world-building // fun characters // unpublished story // furious that it got rejected 😉

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee – another deserving classic // written from a child’s perspective // real life // hard issues // challenging prejudice & assumptions // vivid characters // unforgettable climax

The Wingfeather Sage by Andrew Peterson – two of four books got 5 stars, two books got 4 stars // quirky fantasy // sympathetic characters // positive authority figures (finally!!) // magic // wolf-people! bat-people! dragons! <3

The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare – under-appreciated author // early American historical fiction // rivers, ships, springtime, gardening // vivid word pictures // lovable characters // heroine who loves reading (and Shakespeare) // beautiful romance

The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis – duh // childhood favorites // classics // wonderful characters // courage and strength // talking animals // Aslan <3 // the best fictional “happy ending” ever

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott – one of my first favorite books // civil war historical fiction // sisters forever // cute romance // a book about a writer! // characters doing their very best to make good choices

The Bronze Bow by Elizabeth George Speare – New Testament era historical fiction // love and forgiveness // despair & hope // darkness & light // letting old dreams die // letting new dreams bring healing // another beautiful romance from Ms. Speare // sibling relationships

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien – coming back to my fictional home // just as good as I remember // leaving the comfortable hobbit hole for adventures

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens – best Christmas story ever // crazy character arc // remembering what’s truly important // party games, hot punch, and ghosts // story that sticks with you

Spring

This post is just a reminder. A reminder to stop and pay attention to what’s happening to the world right now.

Spring is coming.

After a cold February in Omaha with record-breaking snow, this week has been warm and sunny.

I spent some time outside today, and it reminded me what spring feels like. There are still dead leaves piled around our yard; the grass is brown, and there are rotting acorns squished into the mud; there are twigs and stumps of dry bushes everywhere, and all the trees are bare: there are dead things all over.

But everywhere, everywhere there are subtle whispers of life.

Cliche though it may be, spring reminds me of what Salvation means. Waking up. Coming to life.

Stop and listen!

Don’t you feel it?

“Abba, Father.”

I’ve been reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis.

In this book, Lewis explains how Christ is the Son of God and also is God; and how man was created by God, but is not God. Being a Christian means that a human is becoming a son of God; slowly becoming more and more like Jesus.

For the last year I have been writing God letters in a special journal. I usually begin them “Father, . . .” Today, I wondered if this was appropriate. I’m so, so far from truly being God’s child–from being a “little Christ” as C.S. Lewis put it.

But the Holy Spirit is inside me, and by Him I cry “Abba, Father.” (See Romans 8:15, 16.)

I fall utterly short of Jesus’ perfection, but God, somehow, made a way for me to become perfect. Someday, I believe I will be.

“Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.”
-1 John 3:2

In the mean time, I call God “Father” anyway.

~*~

I met my little sister Lucy for the first time four years ago, in a civil affairs building in China. She shook my hand and greeted me as jie jie, the Mandarin word for “big sister.”

The two of us had never before been in the same room. We were strangers calling ourselves sisters, but it wasn’t a charade. It was a declaration. We called each other family as we, miraculously, became more and more like sisters.

And I call God “Father” while I slowly learn to truly be His daughter.

“This, then, is how you should pray:
‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.'”
-Matthew 6:9, 10

My Characters’ Aesthetics In Song Lyrics // Alin

A writer-friend sent me a link to this post a while ago, thinking I’d enjoy reading it. I liked the idea enough to give it a shot with my N&S characters.

It’s pretty simple: a list of song lyrics that remind a writer of a character they’re writing. Fair warning, putting these posts together is way too much fun! All you writers out there should try it. . .

The blogger I linked to above included three characters in one post, but when my list of song lyrics started to get long (as we all know my posts have a tendency of doing), I decided to feature my characters one post at a time. It seemed fitting to start with my main character, Alin.

“Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes/But it’s the only thing that I know” – Photograph by Ed Sheeran

“Together we touch the sky/Wherever we go we fly/Forever we know adventure’s in the air tonight” – Adventure by Matthew Parker

We heard a voice proclaim: ‘lay your weapons down!/They’re calling off the war/On account of losing track/Of what we’re fighting for.’/So we found our way back home/Let our cuts and bruises heal/While a brand-new war began/One that no one else could feel.” -Mars by Sleeping At Last

“Stand face to face with the younger me/All of the mistakes/All of the heartbreak/Here’s what I’d do differently/I’d love like I’m not scared/Give when it’s not fair/Live life for another” -Fix My Eyes by for KING & COUNTRY

“Back when my mama used to hold me/I wish somebody woulda’ told me/If you want love, you gon’ have to go through the pain/If you want love, you gon’ have to learn how to change/If you want trust, you gon’ have to give some away” – If You Want Love by NF

Bonus – here’s some story:

“Alin could feel everything―every inch of damp soil, every piece of mossy wood, every stick pressed into the mud―through the worn leather of his boots.  The leaves around him were smearing dew onto his bare arms with wet, feathery fingers. And morning was coming, so he could feel the first promise of warmth on his face and his shoulders.

The wet, chilly winter had left the forest, leaving spring to do her work.  And that meant Alin Selvan-Tradson was off the training field, and into the forest. . .”


An update on the writer (me), and why I’m not upset I have to rewrite “N&S”

If you’ve been reading my blog lately, you’ve probably heard me talk about “Nieo & Star”, the high fantasy story I’m currently writing. If you’ve read my blog very recently, you’ve also heard me whine about the ACT. These two things (this story and this test) were two very big parts of my life last year. I left the ACT in 2018, but “Nieo & Star” came with me.

Part of my preparations last summer for the ACT was taking College Algebra at our local community college. As I was finishing up my junior year of high school last spring, I was not exactly thrilled by the idea of doing math all summer, but since May was going to be my only month off, I (thankfully) had the sense to make the most of it. I decided I would try to write 300 words in “N&S” every day. 300 words-per-day eventually turned into 500 words-per-day, which I managed every day all month, almost without fail.

Combining what I wrote before last May, during last May, the following summer, and the following school year, I ended up with a meaty start to my novel, 60 pages long and over 30,000 words. My words-a-day count was a roller coaster (usually on the lower side, but my record is 1600 in one day), and I took a lot of breaks to figure things out. I had out-written most of my prior plotting and world-building that May, so things were slowing down.

During one such break I did some rereading, and began to realize that this 60-page, 30,000-word year’s worth of story wasn’t really what I wanted my novel to look like: I hadn’t known Alin, AEmilia, Nieo, and Star very well, and some of them had been acting out of character. I also hadn’t known my elves’ culture very well, and now that I understood it better myself, my characters (Alin in particular) had been doing things that were awfully culturally inappropriate.

Overall, I was very excited about how my story was developing, but I didn’t like what I had on paper. The idea of rewriting was not a very painful one, because of that, but I was worried about time. Should I charge ahead into my main conflict, or spend time resetting the stage? In the end, I decided to reset. I needed a better foundation to work off of.

So on December 10th last year I opened a new word document, which I called “Nieo & Star (second 1st draft)“. I already have 6 pages, and they make me happy.

So was that over a year and lot of work wasted? 30,000 words down the drain? I say, no.  Not at all! I’m in the process of rereading those 60 pages and finding what I still want to use. I also think that writing all those out-of-character interactions helped me understand my characters better. I think every word that hits paper makes the writer better at writing.

I would have told you in the past that I wrote stories for the finished product. And while the finished product is important and I still desperately want to someday get published, what I learned last May was how much joy there is in the process.

I am a writer. Because I write. And I love writing.

So I’m not upset that I’m rewriting the beginning of my story. Nor am I upset that I think I’ll probably rewrite the beginning again when I edit “Nieo & Star”. Because I’m a writer, and writing is what I do.